But here I am, and the links between being a counsellor, a doula and an officiant could not be more obvious to me now. In each of these 'callings' my role has been to reflect back to individuals and their families their possibilities, carrying with me a keen awareness of how my position could influence their decisions in ways I did not anticipate. Each of these hats I wear requires ongoing reflection into my own motivations for the work I do, a respect for healthy boundaries, and a reverence for the humanity and beliefs of others.
I've learned over the years of being with families in the most uncertain of times, just what is meant by the phrase "holding space". And while today this concept of holding space is used to describe just about every situation where someone is listening to another person, most often in situations of grief, in officiant work it manifests as making room for the range of emotions people bring with them into planning a ceremony. Whether they are planning a wedding or a celebration of life, there is a way of being with others that creates the environment necessary to sort through logistics while honouring the range of feelings, sometimes contradictory, that emerge.
Ceremony is more than a means to an end, it's a reflection of hopes, dreams, in-between spaces of where you have been and where you're going next. They most often involve family. And transitions have a way of bringing to the forefront any and all unresolved hurts within these relationships. As a trauma informed officiant I bring with me into my work an empathy for the pain others have lived through and the capacity to support people through these intense moments.
